


I'm Hookah'd on You

by Syaunei



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Getting Together, Love Confessions, Lowered inhibitions, M/M, Masturbation, Phone Sex, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Sex Pollen, Sexual Tension, Smut, Subspace call, Teasing, because Julian got high as a kite, the premise is slightly crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:14:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29389674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Syaunei/pseuds/Syaunei
Summary: A new race from the Gamma Quadrant makes diplomatic contact with Bajor and they share their revelatory substance with everyone at the welcome party. Julian partakes happily and gets a stroke of inspiration - which he must share with Garak immediately!What could possibly go wrong?
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Comments: 227
Kudos: 161





	1. Pink Smoke

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DHW](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DHW/gifts).



> Written for the lovely and incomparable DHW, who brightens my existence with all the thirsty thoughts they come up with! I vowed that the first sex pollen I wrote would be a gift to them, so...
> 
> Enjoy! <3

Julian had been invited to a diplomatic function held in the honor of the Yam'vii, a race from the Gamma quadrant that had ventured to DS9 and Bajor in the hopes of establishing diplomatic relations and trade. The people were fascinating, purple skinned and purple haired, every feature of their bodies a slightly different shade of the same color. The only variation between individuals was in the patterns of their markings; they all looked almost identical otherwise – all three genders. They reproduced in impermanent triads, and had a fascinating culture all-around. One of their rituals upon first contact was to whip out an instrument remarkably similar to a hookah, which they filled with a fragrant resin and smoked, sharing it between all participants. They claimed it  _ ‘opened the mind’  _ to new ideas and facilitated understanding between individuals.

The representative of the Yam’vii sat next to Julian, explaining its effects. Each word was punctuated with fluid movements of the tendrils extending down their neck, which flared out in mesmerizing patterns. It was a significant part of their language, even though they communicated verbally as well. Julian wondered how much finesse and context was lost if one couldn’t understand the body language.

“The  _ shoon’ram _ opens the door of the mind to new possibilities and heightens the natural intuition of all intelligent beings.”

“Yes, but…how does it manifest?” Kira asked, wary of the compound that promised such things.

Yan’alam’iv blinked their four fuchsia eyes sequentially and shook their head, making the seed beads woven into their hair rattle. Their neck tendrils shrunk and gathered before flaring out like the graceful tentacles of a jellyfish. 

“We were staring up at the sky, desiring new possibilities for trade and learning – so we inhaled the  _ shoon’ram _ and the idea came to us – a direction as of yet unexplored. That is how it manifests.” Yan’alam’iv said placidly, words whistling out of their thin, round mouth. 

“Well, I’d love to try it!” Julian exclaimed enthusiastically. He needed a break with a tricky bit of research he was doing, and wondered if this might give him a much needed boost to finally crack it. 

Yan’alam’iv stuck the polished wooden mouthpiece into their tiny round mouth and took a long drag of the substance, exhaling a pale pink smoke. Their tendrils curled and uncurled in what Julian assumed was pleasure, and then they handed the mouthpiece over. 

Brimming with curiosity, Julian accepted and put it between his lips, pulling the fragrant vapor into his mouth. It tasted vaguely like grape jello, and Julian inhaled deeply, intent on measuring his physical responses to the substance. With a dazzling smile, he handed over the mouthpiece to Nerys, who looked at him skeptically, visibly dubious about partaking. 

“If anything happens, Nerys, I’ll give you something to counteract the effects, don’t worry.” Julian reassured her, one hundred percent certain of what he was saying.

“How are you going to do that if you get affected as well?” Nerys said dubiously, frowning at the implement in her hand almost as if she wanted to set it on fire with her gaze. 

“I’m sure my honed intuition will tell me.” Julian clapped his hands against his thighs, voice chipper and unconcerned.

Yan’alam’iv made an excited trilling noise, and their neck tendrils undulated for a spell, swaying towards the back of their neck and forward again. It looked like they were trying to swim through air. Julian giggled.

“I’m so going to regret this…” Kira muttered under her breath and sucked on the vapors briefly, inhaling and exhaling as fast as she could. Their alien friend accompanied her actions with another gurgling trill. Kira passed the mouthpiece to the next person and Julian faced Yan’alam’iv once again, smiling.

“So, tell me, my friend - what other paths or interesting discoveries did the  _ shoon’ram _ lead you to?”

The tendrils plastered against their neck and Yan’alam’iv shrunk slightly in on himself.

“We have only had it twice, and this is the second time, so we do not know what will be revealed yet.”

“Oh,” Julian said brightly, “good luck! I hope it’s something wonderful!”

The tendrils unfurled once more.

“We have heard stories of others finding great treasures when guided by the  _ shoon’ram _ .” Yan’alam’iv chirped serenely, their tendrils moving as if swept by a gentle breeze.

“What kind of treasure?” Julian asked, feeling a strange warmth coursing through his limbs. It almost felt like they were gaining sentience, independent of his will. It felt brilliant!

“Julian,” Nerys grasped his arm. “Are you sure you’re feeling all right?”

“Yeah! Never better!” Julian said happily. “Why?”

“You look…spacey.” She said firmly, narrowing her eyes at him. 

Julian laughed, looking at her with undisguised joy. “I feel really good, Nerys.” He assured her, cracking his neck and stretching. He sometimes felt awkward in his body, painfully aware that his limbs were too long in relation to his torso, a fact he tried to hide by wearing his trousers slightly lower than was strictly necessary. Right now, he felt none of that awkward self-consciousness, instead aware of the powerful beating of his heart pumping oxygenated blood through his body. He felt alive and in tune with himself.

He looked at her, taking in her chin-length hair and tight-knit eyebrows. She looked strong and unyielding, and beautiful in her concern for him. Now that everyone else they were close to had left the station, Julian and Nerys were the only members of the old guard manning the fort. Nerys vowed to wait for Benjamin’s return, and Julian had nowhere better to be. He kept an eye out for interesting prospects within Starfleet, but nothing had really caught his eye yet, so he was content to stay put for now.

He wondered what would be revealed to Nerys under the influence of the Yam’vii resin; an insight into what to trade with them, or where to take them on Bajor to strengthen the diplomatic relations, perhaps? 

Yan’alam’iv was currently merrily chatting away with several people to his left and Julian was content within his own mind, for the moment. 

His veins sang and pulsed, thrumming. He could imagine them fanning out within his body, writhing happily like the Yam’vii tendrils. He started humming contentedly, and was gently prodded out of his reverie by the station’s new Chief Engineer, a perky Betazoid man in his fifties. Julian accepted the mouthpiece and thanked the man, getting momentarily lost in his fathomless black gaze. The polished grain of the wood tingled against his lips almost sensually. Julian’s eyes fluttered closed as he suckled on it, breathing in slowly, and puffing out a small circle of smoke. It was utterly mesmerizing.

The pink circle of vapor travelled forward, dissipating entirely. It reminded Julian of a holo-image of a Cardassian sunrise Garak had sent him a week ago. Julian had wanted to reply, take a holo of something interesting to send it along in return, but hadn’t come up with anything yet, so the communiqué remained unanswered. 

It was a shame that he hadn’t found anything worth taking a picture of. This party was very fun, though! Julian could take a picture of that, but then…wouldn’t that be potentially insensitive? He knew Cardassia was rebuilding, but he doubted anyone over there felt like partying yet. 

But he  _ could _ tell Garak all about it; maybe even recommend the use of the Yam’vii resin – Garak really needed to unwind. All of his letters lately were deathly serious. Mind made up, he absent-mindedly handed the mouthpiece to Nerys and sprang to his feet, admiring the graceful way he managed it. His limbs usually had a tendency to move in ungainly ways.

“Julian, where are you going?” Nerys asked, perplexed.

“I have a call to make!” Julian said importantly, puffing out his chest.

“To whom?” She said incredulously, looking like she very much wanted to pull him back down.

“Garak!” Julian said brightly. “He needs to know what a great party we’re having here!” 

With his grand declaration made, he skipped out of the room, buoyed by a wonderful mood.

Kira sat there frozen for a long moment and murmured to herself – “There was a terminal right there…” Then she shrugged, as Julian’s mind processes were usually hard to glean even on a good day.

Smiling at their alien guest, she raised the hollowed-out pipe to her mouth and took a careful puff. It tasted vaguely like moba fruit.


	2. The Call

Giddy and breathless, Julian bustled into his quarters. All but running through the corridors made him feel too hot, which was curious, because he could usually run far longer than that without breaking a sweat. Shrugging at the curiosity of it, he unfastened his uniform jacket and shrugged out of it. He tossed it carelessly over the couch and walked to the terminal in his living room.

“Computer, call Elim Garak – the usual secured channel.”

“ _ Affirmative _ .” The computer spoke in its usual dulcet tones. 

Julian bounced on the soles of his feet, thrumming with anticipation. It’s been so long since he’d last spoken with Garak face-to-face. The call was taking longer than usual to connect, and still feeling overheated, Julian rolled up his sleeves. This would be fun, he just knew it! He’d tell Garak all about the delicious Yam’vii resin and its wonderful effects and-

Garak’s face appeared on the screen, bleary-eyed and slightly tousled. He seemed to be trying very hard to appear fully alert. 

“Garak!” Julian cried out happily, “I’m so thrilled to see you!”

Garak looked around Julian’s room, and then leveled Julian with a deadly glare.

“Doctor…I expected some form of emergency, but you seem unscathed.”

“Emergency?” Julian scratched his neck absently, “Why would there be an emergency?”

“You  _ are _ aware, my dear, what time it is on Cardassia where I am?”

Julian blinked owlishly, uncomprehending.

Garak let out a harried huff. “It’s the middle of the night, Doctor.”

“Ohhh!” Julian exclaimed, “So sorry about that, Garak! I just wanted to talk to you…Unless you  _ don’t _ want to talk to me…” Rubbing his neck nervously, he looked away guiltily.

A loud sigh crackled through the link and Garak’s soothing voice sounded capitulating. “Oh, very well…since I am already awake…”

Julian beamed at the screen. “We’re having a great party over here and I wanted to tell you all about it!”

Garak looked at him dubiously.

“Oh,” Julian laughed, “not  _ here _ here, in one of the conference rooms. You’d love it!”

“Mhm.” Garak murmured with obvious skepticism.

“This gorgeous race came from the Gamma Quadrant-“

“You don’t say?” Garak said in a bored tone.

Julian nodded vigorously, bringing to mind the way they looked so he could better describe them to Garak.

“They have such vibrant,  _ gorgeous _ purple skin, kind of like…the shade of violet, but mottled with markings in fuchsia and mauve, their hair varies in gradient from plum pink to eggplant, and they braid it with little hollow seeds that rattle and chime quite pleasantly-“

Garak made a small noise, which signaled that he was still paying attention, and Julian started pacing in front of the terminal, gesticulating wildly with his hands to illustrate.

“And you should see the tendrils extending from their necks, they are a speckled pale color, with magenta little tips, and they move them around so… _ delicately _ ; it’s really a way to communicate – their version of body language, I suppose… It’s quite hypnotic to watch, actually!”

“Fascinating.” Garak stated flatly.

“It is!” Julian exclaimed enthusiastically. “It looks as if they are swimming through the air – like jellyfish!”

“A Terran animal, I presume?” Garak chimed in, and Julian flashed him a delighted grin.

“And they brought this hookah-like instrument, and its fumes were pink, which reminded me a lot of the picture you sent me last week – the sunrise captured from the top of the only remaining spire in Cardassia City?“

“I remember.”

“Well,  _ that _ in turn reminded me that I wanted to take a picture of something interesting, but hadn’t found anything that would qualify, which made me wonder if a diplomatic meeting with a new species might be of interest to you, so I called you!”

Julian had expected a response, but he got none, so he swerved around to look at the terminal. Garak looked very tired.

“And this couldn’t have waited until morning?” Garak said with a labored exhale.

“No,” Julian said, completely baffled. “Why would I wait that long to want to speak to you? I wanted to show you something nice!”

Julian knew Garak usually enjoyed speaking to him, and even looking at him, and couldn’t understand the man’s current reluctance. His undershirt jumpsuit felt stifling, chafing him with hot little pin-pricks along his back. Irritated, he unfastened it completely and pulled it down his shoulders and off his arms. When it finally drooped away, leaving him topless, he hummed in satisfaction.

When he looked at Garak’s face on the screen, the man’s eyes were wide.

“Doctor…may I ask what you’re doing?” 

Julian laughed breezily. “What does it look like? Undressing! My uniform chafes more than usual…Would you mind if I-“

Garak made a strangled sound and looked distinctly stiff. 

“Perhaps…” Julian said slyly, enjoying Garak’s discomposed face, “I count as a nice view? Most people don’t complain, you know.”

When Garak looked like his brain had short-circuited, Julian smirked at him. Catching Garak off-guard was a rare treat. 

“Why don’t I… _ slip _ into something more comfortable?” Julian murmured meaningfully, looking at the screen with purpose.

“By all means, Doctor.” Garak croaked, clearing his throat. “That might be for the best.”

Ordinarily, Julian would go take a quick sonic shower and then get into his favorite blue pajamas, but he’d already showered before the party so there was no need. There was also no need to go change in the bathroom. Since he lived alone, he was used to disrobing anywhere in his quarters. There was no one there to scandalize but Kukalaka, and his furry companion was used to it by now. And even if he wasn’t, Kukalaka was too polite (and too non-verbal) to chide Julian for it. A grin spread on his face, wicked and unrepentant, as he reached for his trousers to unfasten them.

Garak made a choked sound that went straight to Julian’s head. Warmth coursed through him like a thrill, cascading down his skin in a tingling rush. He took his time, pulling the trousers down his thighs and over his knees, acutely aware of his hairs standing on end. Garak seemed paralyzed on the other end, unblinking and completely rigid. Julian stepped out of his uniform and stretched out, keenly aware of Garak’s interest. 

How far could he push things now that he had Garak’s full attention?

“Doctor, what are you doing?” 

The tone was strained, and Julian would think Garak was angry if he wasn’t familiar with the man’s facial expressions (truthful  _ or  _ lying). This looked remarkably like  _ panic _ . Not the panic of a potentially dangerous situation - like your shuttle helm controls giving out, but the kind of alarming expression you got when a social situation wasn’t going exactly as expected. A bit awkward, but nothing life threatening.

“Getting comfortable.” Julian said easily and bent at the waist to pick up his discarded uniform to drape it over the couch. “Why, do you mind?”

Garak looked like he was biting his tongue. Julian couldn’t help the little chuckle that escaped him.

“I find it hard to believe that you’re in the habit of undressing during a video call, and am forced to ask what makes me worthy of such a dubious honor?”

Julian affected a pout. “You wound me, Garak!” He exclaimed, splaying the palm of his right hand over his bare chest. “Don’t you find me aesthetically pleasing?”

Garak gave him a scathing look that would have reduced a lesser man to tears. 

“Surely you don’t need an ego boost from me, of all people.”

“Awwww, why not? I hold your opinion in high regard, you know?” Julian said happily, leaning on the armrest in what he hoped passed for a casual yet appealing pose.

“ _ Gorgeous _ purple aliens fawning over you weren’t enough?” Garak drawled scathingly. 

“They weren’t  _ fawning _ over me, Garak.” Julian frowned.

“My mistake.” Garak said without a hint of repentance. 

No, this wouldn’t do at all. Garak seemed more annoyed than anything. Julian much preferred seeing the former spy flustered. 

“I’m feeling a bit tired, why don’t we take this to the bedroom?” Julian suggested, relishing the widening of Garak’s pretty blue eyes.


	3. Slipping Into Something More Comfortable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day! <3
> 
> Aaaaand, of course, Happy Birthday to Andy Robinson! ^^

“I’m feeling a bit tired, why don’t we take this to the bedroom?”

Garak felt his throat constricting. The only other use of this sentence he’d read about (in human erotica) implied a context that didn’t apply to them. And even if it did, Garak wasn’t physically present to do anything about the steadily escalating situation.

It wasn’t that he minded being suddenly called by Julian, no, that was always a happy occasion, but being roused in the middle of the night was quite outside their usual established parameters. Julian was occasionally impulsive and even thoughtless, but he was also considerate. Julian had never called him in the middle of the night before, for he was well aware of the time difference. Everything about this situation felt slightly  _ off _ . And that did  _ not _ refer to the Doctor’s current state of undress. 

Garak was used to Julian’s rambling style of communication, and usually found it both comforting and familiar. However, not even at his most oblivious did Julian find it acceptable to just casually undress for no reason. Long gone were the days when Garak had entertained the idea of Julian being sexually or romantically interested in him. Julian, as his intrepid human spirit would attest, gladly approached people he was interested in. Had Julian been even remotely attracted to Garak, he would have made a move  _ years _ ago.

That option quickly discarded, Garak had to take into account the other signs that could point to the cause of Julian’s unusual behavior. From what Garak could tell, Julian’s respiration rate was slower, and his pupils were dilated. His posture was more lax, which was most uncommon. Garak was used to Julian’s propensity for slouching if given a seat that could accommodate for his long legs, and the various almost painful-looking leg configurations he was prone to. Despite that, Julian always seemed to have a coil of tension to his body, as if he was always ready to spring into action. It wasn’t even the kind of tension Garak carried around, out of an enduring anxiety or temperature too low to be comfortable, but a kind of overflowing energy that was all but bursting out of Julian.

He could almost appreciate the way Julian neatly sidestepped his queries, if only he wasn’t getting increasingly frustrated. This was not the way he imagined he would get to see Julian naked, as he’d given up on the prospect entirely at this point. 

The only conclusion he could draw was that Julian was somehow mentally compromised, either by alcohol intake or use of some kind of mind-altering drug. He recalled the Doctor mentioning something about pink smoke? Was that it?

Well, Julian getting naked for him instead of those  _ gorgeous _ purple aliens was a silver lining, at least. 

Garak tracked Julian’s movements through his quarters, in obvious search of something. It was hard to concentrate on the mystery with all that lean muscle on display. Out of uniform, Julian was even more slender than he appeared, long-limbed and elegant. His vertebrae were peeking from under taut brown skin, outlined in the harsh light. Garak was grateful for the fact his verbal input wasn’t asked for, because he was fairly sure he was beyond coherent speech at the moment. 

The vile uniform hid so much, overcompensating in places that made Garak want to maim the designer. Who needed so much shoulder padding, honestly? 

As Julian continued to mutter and lift the sofa cushions to look underneath, Garak got a spectacular view of long legs, unadorned by anything save for that mammalian dusting of hair that humans hadn’t managed to evolve out of. 

“A-ha!” Julian exclaimed in triumph, raising a full-screen padd from between the sofa cushions.

Garak’s eyes narrowed. Julian clearly had something in mind, and Garak had a feeling he would probably have mixed feelings about it, whatever it turned out to be. 

“Let me just…hmm…” Julian muttered at the padd, fiddling with it. Garak was just about to volunteer his expertise in the vain hopes of Julian actually deigning to explain what he was planning, when his view flickered and went dark. He blinked in confusion, having no time to protest as his screen came to life again, displaying a Julian that was standing much closer than before. 

“Can you see me?” Julian asked in chipper tones and Garak marveled at the audacity. 

How was he supposed to answer that?

_ “Yes, Doctor. I can see the bared hollow of your throat and your delicate neck as if I were standing in front of you. Would you mind terribly if I bit you the next time we meet?” _

“Yes. I see you just fine, Doctor.”

“Great!” Julian beamed at him, the force of his blinding smile even more pronounced than usual. Garak felt an unwelcome twinge in two very distinct parts of his anatomy. 

Holding the padd in a very cavalier manner, Julian sauntered through his rooms until the view changed. As promised, they were now in Julian’s bedroom. Garak quashed the impulse to feel regret over the current circumstances.

“I’ll just put you down for a moment, ok?” Julian asked, but Garak realized immediately that it was a rhetorical question; because his screen revealed the view of the ceiling, then spun some 330 degrees as Julian tossed his padd onto what Garak assumed was the bed. Once the view stopped spinning, Garak listened in.

His ears weren’t as acute as Julian’s, but he could still hear the faintest rustle of fabric. Imagining Julian dressing up appealed to Garak every bit as much as the undressing did. The thought of being able to watch fabric sliding over warm skin made his ridges flush with heat. 

His view of the ceiling tilted as the mattress dipped, meaning Julian was done slipping into something more comfortable. While they’ve never talked in bed before, Garak was grateful that Julian would stop tormenting him with his nudity. This was obviously a one-off, brought about by whatever substance Julian had inhaled. It occurred to Garak that Julian might be supremely embarrassed by his actions when the compound invariably wore off. This meant no abusing the situation.

A hand grasped the screen, flipping it until Julian’s face came into view.

“D-doctor!” Garak gasped, choking on the title.

Julian tittered and lay over the covers, lounging shamelessly.

“What happened to slipping into something more comfortable?” Garak inquired miserably, unable to suppress a groan.

The answering smile was as brilliant as it was infuriating. Also smug, let’s not forget about smug. Rare was an individual that could look quite as smug as one Julian Bashir.

“What could be more comfortable than one’s bare skin?” Julian challenged, looking completely at ease. 

Garak stared at his screen, momentarily stunned. He’d heard fabric…but what if it wasn’t the sound of clothes being put on? What if-

Julian adjusted the tilt of the padd slightly, bringing his entire bared torso into view. Now that he’d thought about it, Garak followed the dark trail of hair running downwards from a small indentation on the lower half of Julian’s abdomen. He could faintly see the line Julian’s undergarments had left in his malleable skin, making it painfully obvious that they had been removed. 

Somewhere beyond the reach of his screen lay a completely naked Julian Bashir.

It was then that Garak realized that not only was he losing control of the situation-

He’d never had it in the first place.


	4. Would You Touch Me?

Julian felt all warm and tingly. From the screen padd held aloft in his left hand, Garak’s unblinking countenance stared down at him. He could feel that relentless gaze in an almost physical sense, gliding over his skin, taking him in.

He allowed his mind to focus on Garak’s expression, so crisp on the padd’s high resolution screen that he could almost imagine him in the same room. The arm propped under the back of his head came free, and he trailed his fingers down his neck. Feverish late night imaginings often led him to the idea of grey, sloping ridges, and preoccupied his mind until he was left softly panting into his pillow.

“It’s been a week…” Julian muttered to himself. A full week since he’d last indulged.

“A week?” Garak’s hazy voice reached him, and he responded readily.

“Since I last masturbated.”

He looked at Garak, hoping for some hint of that strange prudishness Garak seemed so prone to. Despite coming onto Julian so strong in the beginning, he’d never delivered on that promise of enjoyable company. Sadly, Julian’s mind had latched onto the idea like it was the most alluring of medical mysteries, and it had never left him. Other infatuations came and went, but Garak was always there – an undercurrent beneath his thoughts. 

“I am unfamiliar with the concept.” Garak’s voice sounded pained, like this had been a truth extracted under duress.

Julian snorted. “I know how much you value your lies, Garak, but this was weak even by your standards.”

Garak’s expression turned stony. Oh, so it had been the truth, after all?

“Don’t Cardassians pleasure themselves?” Julian inquired, half curious and half daring, fingers slipping down his clavicle and reaching his chest, where they lingered, teasing the sensitive skin. How much better would it feel if Garak was doing the touching?

Garak made a sound of distress that made Julian smirk.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never touched yourself to get off.”

“It is not our custom, Doctor.” 

“Not even once? As a teenager?”

Garak’s eyebrow ridges knit together. “Sexual contact is reserved for company. Touching oneself to provide pleasure would be akin to working for one’s own selfish interests instead of furthering the goals of the State.”

“Wow. State-regulated masturbation. That’s even worse than catholic guilt!”

“I beg your pardon?” Garak’s eye ridges raised.

“Never mind, it would take too long to explain.” Julian said dismissively, fingers continuing their downward course. “Computer, raise the ambient temperature to 27° Celsius.”

There was an affirmative chirp as the environmental system complied with his directive, and he could hear the subtle crackle of heating coils in the walls turning on.

Speaking of, he felt relaxed and nearly blissful, the pads of his fingers creating a feeling unfamiliar enough to be mistaken for someone else’s hand. Julian’s eyes drifted closed. Garak’s hand…he could imagine it – trailing down his abdomen in a long, torturous caress; exploratory and covetous. 

“Julian…”

He moaned at the husky warmth in Garak’s voice and could imagine grey fingers outlining his hipbone and then teasing lower, carding through the hair on his thighs.

“Julian, listen to me.”

“Mhmm, yes.” Julian groaned softly. “Keep talking to me-ahn-“

“Doctor!”

Momentarily jarred out of the fantasy, Julian’s eyes opened, followed by a frown. “Why did you do that for? I liked it when you said my name.”

Garak was the very picture of sternness. “You are not in your right mind, Doctor. It is obvious that you’re under the influence of some unknown substance-“

“It’s hardly unknown,” Julian rolled his eyes, “it’s the Yam’vii resin.”

“Excellent, if you’re aware that you’ve been exposed to this substance and that it’s impairing your judgment, I will bid you good night so you can go about your business without disturbance. Hopefully it will be purged from your system in a few hours.”

“My judgment is not impaired, Garak!” Julian was mildly outraged by the notion. 

“Oh?” Garak sounded less than convinced. “Do you make a habit of calling your other friends in the middle of the night and masturbating in front of them?”

“Of course not!” Julian was positively aghast. 

Garak merely gave him a look. 

“I would never do that, it would be a breach of…privacy…” Julian trailed off.

“Well, then. Thank you for the unsolicited nudity, my dear, but you should really go to sleep. I will do you the courtesy of not mentioning this in the future.”

“I wouldn’t do this with anyone else!” Julian said passionately, then remembered. “Oh, I mean, I’ve done it with Leeta, but we were dating at the time…”

Garak directed his eyes upward and gave a long suffering sigh.

“You’re not in your right mind, Doctor. It would be reprehensible of me to take advantage.”

Take advantage? Why would Garak be taking advantage if it was freely given, unless-oh.

_ Ohhhhhh. _

“I see.” Julian grinned slyly. “The Cardassian doth protest too much, methinks.”

“Really, Julian?”

Julian’s grin was completely unrepentant. Garak may hate Shakespeare on principle, but that only made the needling more fun.

“I didn’t hear anything about you disliking the view…”

“That has no bearing on the discussion, Doc-“

“Oh, I think it does. I think you want me.”

Garak was staring at him, the fierce blue of his eyes causing Julian to shiver.

“That is rather presumptuous of you.” Garak said cuttingly, but the slight darkening of the scales peeking out of Garak’s collar was telling.

“Your neck ridges are flushing.”

“It is cold out of the covers, Doctor.”

“Liar.”

Julian stared at the unblinking gaze, determined not to crack first. 

“Liar…” He murmured and touched himself, determined to provoke Garak to admit the truth. “You could have had this years ago. I would have let you.”

Garak was mute, staring, eyes darting lower to the edge of the screen where Julian knew Garak couldn’t see anything of import. 

“You would have…let me?”

At the admission of interest, Julian moaned, slowing the movements of his hand.

“I would have let you touch me. I would have let you… I even fantasized about it.”

Garak said nothing, but he was definitely paying attention.

“You…pulling me into one of the changing rooms, locking us in…” His eyes fluttered closed as the well-trodden fantasy reasserted itself. “Undressing me with some flimsy excuse at the ready, promising me a nice garment that didn’t actually exist while you-unh-“ Imagined lips descended on his neck as firm fingers held his hips, pinning him to the cold wall. Hand firm and languid, Julian arched his back, groaning at the daydream that used to occupy his mind for months at a time. “I dreamed-nnh-that you, oh-“ He’d dreamed of Garak so often that when the man had broken into his quarters, Julian wasn’t in the least bit perturbed to find him there. “I dreamed of you here, stealing away in the middle of the night to seduce me… You have no idea how often I woke up in soaked clothes, ah-“ 

“Julian. You don’t want to do this. You’re under the influence. As soon as it wears off, you will feel terrible about it.”

Julian looked at Garak, whose ridges were so darkened they were almost black, and spoke slowly, to the rhythm of his hand.

“Why would I? I want you. I’ve always wanted you.”

There it was – the shock. The incredulous look in Garak’s eyes. The strain in the set of his shoulders.

“If you were here…would you touch me?”


	5. What Don't I Want?

_ “If you were here…would you touch me?” _

Garak felt the way he used to when playing kotra against someone much more experienced, fretting over his pieces and fearing for his Legate. Julian was, in his current state, completely unpredictable. He refused to be swayed, persuaded, or dismissed, and was presenting such a tempting picture that Garak was finding it hard to look away. 

He should terminate the call, even temporarily block Julian’s caller id, but that might compel Julian to get more creative, and Garak wasn’t sure he could take it. If Julian tried to get a hold of him through some more official channel, it would be an absolute disaster. Garak didn’t want some low-level communications clerk to be getting a private show, not only because Julian was mentally compromised, but also because… If this was truly intended for him, how could he allow anyone else’s gaze to roam the tantalizing expanse of beautiful human skin? If it was truly meant for him, as Julian claimed, Garak would guard it jealously. Cardassians were hard-wired to protect the secrets of those they claimed as family. Even if Julian came to his senses later, Garak would keep his promise and speak of it to no one. 

“Answer me.” Julian insisted, his voice dropping in pitch and smoothing out in a way Garak was unaccustomed to. 

If Garak was there,  _ would _ he touch Julian? Could he stand there, in the semi-darkness, and keep his hands to himself while Julian teased him and writhed for him?

Even now, the slow but steady motion of Julian’s hand inflamed his imagination. He couldn’t see precisely what that skilled hand was doing, but the effects were immediately visible – a flush coloring his skin, the ragged breathing… If he touched Julian, how much more could he coax out of him with precise touches? 

“I’m not there, Julian.” Garak managed to say, noting that his own breathing was affected. 

“You are. I can see your face. And hear your voice…” Julian’s expressive eyes fluttered closed as he squirmed against the bed, enjoying his private ministrations. The little noises that were escaping him were excruciatingly explicit in nature. 

_ If  _ Garak were there, he would do a lot more than touch. 

“Elim…” The plea was accompanied by a pitiful little whine. Garak’s fists clenched. 

“Stop.” Garak commanded.

Julian was looking at him wide-eyed, the movements of his hand slowing, but not halting completely.

“Stop touching yourself.”

“Why?” Julian protested.

“Didn’t you want me to tell you what I would do to you if I was there?”

Julian’s throat worked as he swallowed. This sinuous interplay of tendons and muscle forced Garak to keep his seam closed. He refused to evert in such circumstances. If Julian wanted pleasure, Garak would oblige, but he would take none for himself, no matter how tempting his dear doctor was being. 

“Keep that hand where I can see it, Julian.”

His beautiful friend stifled a moan and withdrew his hand, bringing it to rest next to his ear, where his fingers flexed futilely. Garak wanted to press his palm into that teasing hand and interlock their fingers. He wanted Julian trapped beneath him, breathless and squirming with anticipation. 

For all of his usual cockiness, Julian was actually more beautiful than he gave himself credit for. Garak had seen his share of ugly, average, and arresting creatures in his time. He prided himself on his ability to find beauty in most forms, male, female and anywhere in between, but even he had to admit that Julian outstripped them all – his lithe grace and scintillating mind a lethal combination. 

If this was all drug-induced and Julian came to regret it in the morning, Garak feared for their friendship. 

“What do you want from me, Julian?”

His question elicited an unhappy squirm. “You know what I want, Elim.”

There it was again. His oft-unused name. Thus far in his life, he’d only ever been fully comfortable hearing it from Mila, Pythas and Palandine. Kelas using it left him uneasy, a reminder of his past sins, stripping him of his stained last name and pointing out the ugly truth about him. Enabran using it felt like a leash, a reprimand. 

He’d wanted to hear his first name from Julian’s lips for many years, because he’d imagined it would sound gentle, like an absolution for his questionable choices or an acceptance of his flawed nature. Only Julian could gentle the coldness of his first name and infuse it with his customary warmth. Only Julian wouldn’t reprimand his sentimental nature and his inner conflict over failing Cardassia.

“No, my dear, I don’t know what you want. You had years to approach me. Why now?”

“Because…” Julian trailed off, stirring feebly on top of his covers, “because…it just…feels right?”

“You’re under the influence, Doctor, and this could have just as easily been a call to your friend O’Brien.”

Julian made a face at that. “Eww! I wouldn’t do that with Miles, he’s my best friend!”

“Then why did you do it to me?”

_ Aren’t I also your friend? _

“I…” Julian shook his head, almost like he was trying to think and failing. “Because I know…you want me too.”

“How? You could be delusional.”

“I’m not delusional, Garak!” Julian said firmly, looking every inch the self-possessed young man he knew so well from across the table, debating the merits of Cardassian and Human literature. “You’ve wanted me for years, but you never did anything about it! I just…how much longer am I supposed to wait until you finally do something!”

“A relationship is a two-way street, Doctor. I could say the same thing of you.”

“On Cardassia, the older partner’s meant to initiate courting! My hands were tied! Unless you made the first, unambiguous move, I could do nothing but wait and stew in my frustration!”

Garak felt like firm ground had given out underneath him. 

“Do you know how miserable it is to live on dreams, Garak? To date others, when my heart is swayed for a moment, only to realize that I still want you?”

Garak’s scutes pulsed with heat. 

“Why didn’t you seduce me, Garak? I was right there, hanging on your every word!”

Why hadn’t he, indeed? He’d been tempted the entire time. Only the prospect of Julian - flighty, easily-enamored Julian, abandoning him for someone younger and more exciting, stayed his hand. He’d valued their friendship higher than a brief relationship that would no doubt scuttle quickly and deprive him of the joy he derived from Julian’s company. 

“You flitted from one partner to the next…what chance did a spy past his prime have of keeping you?”

Julian covered his face with his palm and groaned in frustration.

“What chance did anyone  _ but _ you have of keeping my attention! And then I’m unperceptive? Ugh!” 

Garak wondered why conversations such as these always happened at the most inopportune of times.

“I tried, Garak! I tried with others, but it’s not the same. I start to wear on everybody after a while. You’re the only one who’s never…” Julian bit his lip and turned his face away from the screen. 

“I’m the only one who’s never…what?” Garak asked, hoping that the quivering he felt wasn’t overly noticeable in his voice.

Julian kept his eyes averted and spoke so softly Garak barely caught it.

“The only one who never found me bothersome.”

Julian Bashir? Bothersome? What a ridiculous notion.

Garak tried to grapple with his new-found reality. The tectonic shift left him off-kilter, uncertain what this meant for his future. 

“What do you want from me, Julian? And this is not a rhetorical question.”

Julian snorted. “It might as well be. How do you expect me to answer that?”

Garak leveled him with a deadly glare.

With a sigh, Julian raked fingers though his hair and Garak felt their distance acutely. 

“What don’t I want?” Julian said with exasperation. “I want to debate Preloc with you until we’re both screaming at each other across the table and you’ve had enough, slamming your palm against the table.”

Garak’s breath hitched. Did Julian even know how pornographic that statement was?

“I want you to invite me over for a glass of kanar so we can keep arguing, and the moment the door of your room closes behind us, I want you to pin me to the door and hiss in my ear about what a provocative, shameless man I am for flirting so outrageously out in public. Then, I want you to bite my neck until it turns the color of Cardassian sunset, and to kiss it better until I start begging you to take me against the door.”

Was this what Julian meant by saying he’d been fantasizing about him? Garak tried to keep his composure as Julian’s fingers started trailing down his neck, illustrating his point. 

“I want to make every last ridge on your body darken and swell until you lose what little’s left of your composure. I want to wrap my arms and legs around you as you hold me aloft like I weigh nothing. I want to steal all your words until the only thing you can grunt or whine is my name.”

Garak felt stifled in his clothes, suffocated, like he was back at Bamarren, standing outside in the scorching heat of the midday sun. Julian’s words were every bit as relentless.

“I want to have you spread open for me, so I can nibble on your ridges and lick the seam between your legs, wetting my lips with your slick. I want to finger you until you evert and kiss you until you protest how filthy I am being. I want you to complain and fuss as we soil the bed together, and I want you reduced to a quivering mess the closer to orgasm you get.”

Garak choked on the evocative imagery, knowing he looked about as far gone as this debauched, imaginary version of him that Julian was conjuring.

“I want to carry you to the bath because you can’t stop bitching about how uncomfortably sticky everything is, and pamper you with hot water and scented oils. I want to wash your hair, comb it and oil it until even you can’t find fault with it. I want to kiss you and blow bubbles at you until you roll your eyes at me. And I want to pat you dry with the thickest, most outrageously fluffy towel to get us ready for bed. I want to fall asleep in your arms and kiss you awake. I want to take you your favorite breakfast in bed, and feed you from my hand.”

Garak was barely able to breathe. Didn’t Julian know what he was describing?

“I want to walk hand in hand with you and ignore all the scandalized looks we’re getting from the people in the streets. I want to make you laugh in public, just so everyone can see how beautiful you are when you smile, and I want to buy you Delavian chocolates just so I can lick the corner of your lips clean.”

“Julian-“ Garak gasped, reaching for his collar.

“I want to see you gardening, and mending clothes, and fixing some piece of machinery that would have me completely puzzled. I want to watch the sunrise from the highest spire of Cardassia city. I want to hide from a dust storm and listen to you recount some childhood story I hadn’t heard before.”

Garak clamped his thighs together.

“I want everything from you. I want your secrets, and your fears, and your dreams, so I can keep them safe. But most of all, I want you, close enough to touch, close enough to feel your breath tickling my ear. Do you understand now?”

The idea that Julian, his dear, unattainable Julian, wanted-

It was too much. Garak grasped the edge of his terminal and shuddered, the deep rumble spilling out of his chest as he finished without ever everting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garak couldn't resist, poor thing!


	6. If I Were There...

For a glorious moment, Garak's masks had slipped, and Julian could see him bared - pitching forward with a grimace, releasing a rumbling sound that made Julian realize just how much out of his way Garak usually went to appear less alien to him. 

Julian wished he wouldn't. As a self-professed xenophile, he quite enjoyed Garak's uniqueness. 

His skin itched. For lack of contact. For Garak's touch. He lay there, aroused, following instructions – waiting for them. Fingers reaching, he touched the screen gently, caressing Elim’s image briefly.

“I wish you were here so I could touch you for real…”

Garak looked up at him, eyes wild and hyper focused, almost like he was holding a sniper rifle and watching Julian through the scope.

“What makes you think I would let you, Julian?”

A full body shiver raised all his fine hairs as it raced down his skin.

“Elim…please…”

“If I were there, my dear, I would trail my fingertips across your lips-“ Julian trembled at the words, “but seeing how I’m not, you’ll have to do it for me.  _ Slowly,  _ if you please.”

Julian groaned at the gentle command, trailing shaky fingertips across his lips. If they were Garak’s, he would gladly lick them, suck them in – taste them to the knuckle until he got chided for it-

“No, Julian. Close that insolent mouth of yours. Good… Now, stroke your bottom lip with your thumb.”

Julian felt cold and hot in intermittent bursts. He was a very tactile creature, but even so, Elim’s words were a caress unto themselves, and if this went on for much longer, Julian knew he might even come untouched.

“What are you doing with that tongue, my dear?”

Julian whimpered and let it recede back into his mouth. Couldn’t Garak tell he needed more?

“Bare your throat to me.” Julian did as requested, his breath coming in harsh pants. “Touch your collarbones, from one side to the other.”

The slow drag of fingertips down the outline of his clavicles made Julian’s breath hitch. 

“Slower, my dear…take your time, as I would with you.” Julian groaned with frustration. “You should learn patience, my sweet Julian. Have our lunches taught you nothing?”

Julian was on fire, the sound of Elim’s voice issuing gentle yet firm commands wreaking havoc on his mind. The only thing he wanted was to give into the sensations, to writhe against his covers until it became overwhelming. 

“What would happen if I bit that tiny bit of raised flesh on your chest?”

Julian cried out, shivering at the thought.

“Touch it for me, would you?” Garak suggested and Julian whimpered as his fingertips brushed against his areola. If he got bit…it would probably feel fantastic. Julian went ahead and pinched himself, once, twice – biting his lip to muffle the sounds.

“Let me hear you, Julian. Be as loud as you’d like.”

Insensate, Julian nodded feebly and moaned. 

“Just like that, my dear.” Garak’s encouragement coaxed a needy whimper out of Julian. “Does that feel good?” 

Julian squirmed, answering affirmatively.

“Do you like my touch?” Garak asked, and the tone of his voice made Julian groan.

“Yes, Elim- yes-nnh-“

“Why don’t you tilt that padd so I can see what lovely thing you were touching off-screen?”

Julian arched half off the bed and complied. His heart was beating so fast – Elim was looking at him, at his bared arousal – what would he think? Would he praise Julian or chide him? Both options appealed for vastly different reasons.

“You’re leaking, my dear…” Julian trembled at the words, fingers itching to take himself in hand. He was so very close- “Would you like me to lick it clean?”

“Elim!” Julian cried out, his right hand abandoning his chest and crawling down his abdomen.

“I didn’t tell you to touch yourself, Julian. Answer the question.”

Julian snatched his hand away and grabbed the covers, twisting them in frustration.

“Yes, please, I’d love that-ah!”

“Drag your thumb through that lovely clear fluid, my dear. Imagine it’s my tongue. Can you do that?”

Julian let out an inarticulate noise that he hoped was discernible as enthusiasm, and did just that. The skin was so sensitive that a simple drag of a fingertip across his precome-slicked tip made him groan. 

“Small circles, Julian. I can’t instruct you if my mouth is occupied, can I? Be good and show me.”

“Fuck-mh-how can you be so-unh-“ Julian blurted, holding his prick in hand while he circled the head with the drenched pad of his thumb.

“Did you know,” Garak said conversationally, “that Cardassians don’t have a gag reflex?”

Julian’s breath hitched at the notion, and he imagined Elim, beautiful, seductive Elim, drawing him so deep into his wicked mouth-

His grasp tightened, and Julian stroked himself, fast – faster-

And with a grunt, he came.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revenge is sweet! >:D (Garak's, naturally.)


	7. A (Not So Little) Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julian wakes up from his pleasant 'dream'.

Julian would be the death of him. 

Garak could tell that much as he watched Julian stroke himself to completion. As smooth as the rest of him, Julian’s thorn looked absolutely mouth-watering. Oddly enough, he hadn’t been lying about the gag reflex. If given the chance, Garak  _ would _ make good on his promise. The thought of Julian falling to pieces under his touch was enthralling – just imagining that lithe, straining body pushing into him - Garak would caress those firm thighs and take Julian to the root until rain overcame him. 

Garak stared at the flushed, panting face of his beloved doctor and smiled in satisfaction. Now they were even (not that Julian needed to know that, but it was good to keep score). 

Julian’s hand fell away and the view wobbled for a bit. Garak assumed Julian’s arm might be sore from holding the screen aloft for a while. The frame stilled once more, revealing Julian’s face close up.

“That was great,” the Doctor mumbled, “thanks, Elim.”

Garak’s sigh was openly exasperated. Only Julian would think to leave a review after sex.

“You’re welcome.” He said wryly, soaking up Julian’s soppy smile and droopy eyelids. 

“Sorry,” Julian yawned, baring his neck in an attempt to cover his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m just…tired.”

“You should probably go clean up, my dear.” Garak suggested, to which Julian murmured an incomprehensible reply. “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”

Julian grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like - “…sexy when you’re grumpy…” but in Julian’s current state, whatever came out of his mouth was bound to be garbled and nonsensical, so Garak paid it no mind.

“Julian, beloved – wash up. You’ll be grateful for it in the morning.”

The screen was tilting, and Garak watched it go, helpless to intervene. There was a soft thump as it landed on Julian’s chest, and all he could hear were gossamer heartbeats. 

“Don’t fall asleep. Julian.” Garak warned, trying to garner his dear Doctor’s attention for a moment. “Julian!”

The soft breathing was deep and uninterrupted. 

Charmed despite himself, Garak listened for a while longer, allowing his eyes to close until he could imagine they were lying side by side, warm and close and intimate. 

“Good night, my dear…” He murmured softly before terminating the connection.

***

Julian stretched languorously, murmuring happily into his pillow. That had been a  _ very _ nice dream. Garak had been so wonderful, just like in all of his late-night imaginings – all persuasive and sultry – mmmmm…

It was when he cracked his eyes open that things didn’t seem to add up.

Why was he not wearing pajamas? Had he fallen asleep mid-wank? It didn’t happen often, but there had been precedent… The state of his right hand, when he came to enough to be able to focus, revealed that, no, he’d definitely  _ not  _ fallen asleep mid-anything. 

And why was there a padd on his bed? He fervently hoped he’d shut off any holovid he may have been watching before nodding off. Oh, but this was strange. He didn’t remember watching any holovids before bed, not yesterday, anyway. Weird. 

With a groan, he shuffled off the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom. He almost broke his neck when his foot got caught in something on the floor, which he picked up with a muttered curse, only to realize it was his trousers. Fine, he may not be the most tidy of individuals, but it’s not like he had a habit of just disrobing and tossing clothing on the floor. He picked the unwitting tripping hazard off the floor, draped it over the couch, and then proceeded to the loo to take a long-overdue piss. 

With a groan of relief, he stood there for a moment and frowned. He was usually much colder in the morning. 

“Computer, what is the current ambient temperature?”

“ _ Twenty-seven degrees Celsius.” _

What? He never kept it above the usual twenty-two… How strange. 

Well, at least he was warm now.

He shrugged and stepped into the sonic shower, allowing the toilet to flush itself. Some people preferred manual - Julian just couldn’t be bothered. This way he wouldn’t forget to flush, the way he used to occasionally. It wasn’t his fault that he had better things to think about! 

As the gentle vibrations cleansed his skin, he hummed to himself happily.

The dream came back to him – Garak’s warm voice, and the instructions that left him breathless… It had felt so intense, and more realistic than usual. Julian wouldn’t mind if all his wet-dreams adopted the format. Just looking at his face on the padd, intent and-

Wait, what?

His eyes widened. It…it couldn’t be, right? He would never  _ actually _ call Garak that late and…and..

“No…” Julian whined and ran out of the shower, almost tripping over his feet in his haste to get to the bedroom. He rushed in, crawled half over the bed and snatched the padd from where it lay on the covers. If he’d had a conversation, the duration would be logged. As he skimmed the outgoing calls, he didn’t see any mention of a call made yesterday. Trembling, he breathed out in relief.

It was just a dream, then! 

His inbox pinged with an unread message. Frowning, he brought it up. It was from Garak.

“Good morning, my dear. I hope you’re feeling much refreshed after yesterday’s exertions. I must insist you exercise more caution when inhaling unknown alien substances in the future. That said, if by some miracle you’re not filled with shame, enclosed you will find a gift. It’s a replicator pattern that you can wirelessly transfer into your unit’s buffer. I thought it might be useful to you in my absence. Needless to say, delete it as soon as you’re done – just in case. Wouldn’t want any of your guests accidentally accessing it, would you?”

Julian’s face flamed. Oh God. It had really happened.

He dropped the padd on the bed and sat down, burying his face in his palms. 

He’d…he’d actually called Garak yesterday…got undressed before him and…

Shit. 

He’d masturbated in front of him like…like…

Like they were in a relationship. Like this wasn’t a strange occurrence at all. And Garak had tried to dissuade him… What an absolute disaster. 

Yesterday, he didn’t think he was much affected by the Yam’vii resin…apparently he’d been wrong about that. His inhibitions just dissolved completely. Not only did he masturbate in front of Garak, he also poured his heart out and told him everything he secretly wanted – how embarrassing! 

Sure, there was no actual regret over it having happened, merely the wish he’d been more tactful about it. He knew for a fact that Garak preferred subtlety over…whatever it was he’d done yesterday. 

Still…this was proof that Garak, the master of circumspection, wanted him just as much. Unless he’d merely been humoring him… Dammit! Why was he forever second-guessing himself? Julian huffed and grabbed the padd, determined to find out what this mysterious replicator pattern was. It took him a few minutes of fiddling to transfer it, and then he instructed the replicator to materialize it. 

It shimmered into existence in front of him, in all its purplish-blue glory.

“Elim!!” Julian cried out, instinctively trying to shield the view from any prying eyes, despite being well aware that he was alone. It definitely wasn’t something he’d want Molly, or Kirayoshi to see… Or any of his colleagues, for that matter. Not that he got any visitors, really. Still…

As he stared at the provocative object, his blush only got more pronounced.

It was bigger than the one he had in his bedside drawer…

Perhaps Elim wanted to see it used when next they conversed over subspace?

Julian’s mouth stretched into a mischievous grin. Oh yes, he would definitely like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garak, you should have taken the initiative ages ago, but you know what they say - it's never too late!


	8. Kira's Revelation

An hour into his shift, Julian was still thinking about the night before. His daydreaming was facilitated by the lack of patients, so he flitted about the Infirmary, reorganizing his shelves and checking his equipment - all with a pep in his step. 

“Well, someone seems happy today!” 

Julian all but jumped out of his skin at the remark, swiveling around to face Nerys, who was standing in the doorway. 

“Gosh, Nerys – you startled me.”

She walked in with a soft smile.

“You simply disappeared yesterday, I was worried about you.”

Julian realized he hadn’t even thought about the way his abrupt departure may have been taken.

“Oh no – I was rude, wasn’t I? I didn’t even say goodbye to Yan’alam’iv…”

“They are fine,” Nerys waved her hand dismissively, “sleeping off the excess of the party. I’ve been checking up on people the entire morning. You’re one of the only ones who showed up to work on time.”

“Really?” Julian raised an eyebrow. “No one’s been in for any weird symptoms…”

“Well, it would seem people have had certain revelations after last night. Several have decided they need a vacation, one Ensign told me she was planning to spend the entire day ‘making a baby’ with her husband, and I’ve had to ban a few people from gambling at Quark’s.”

“Oh dear. How many were affected?”

“Everyone who inhaled the fumes. That makes for twelve Starfleet officers and nineteen Bajoran militia members.”

“Wait, if they didn’t show up to work, why wasn’t I notified?” Julian asked.

“Because they either work a later shift and they seemed fine this morning, or they showed up, simply late. No one is actually ill or anything.”

“Well, that’s good at least.” Julian said, visibly relieved.

“How did your talk with Garak go?” 

Julian’s eyes widened and he stammered – “Talk? What?”

Nerys looked at him scathingly. “The talk you left the party for?”

“Ah! Yes!” Julian blurted out, feeling a traitorous blush coming on. “It went well! I told him all about the party and the Yam’vii, and we chatted for a bit before I-uh…fell asleep. Uhm, how was the rest of the party? Were you affected as well?”

Kira sighed, giving Julian the impression that she didn’t entirely buy his story, but that she was willing to let it slide, just this once. 

“It went fine. People really opened up, about an hour after you left. I think I found out more about some of them in a night than I have in a year of working alongside them.”

“That’s, ah, that’s good. Right?” Julian inquired, hoping against hope that she wouldn’t ask him anything further about Garak. Was he still under the influence? Was he being compelled to be truthful by the remainder of the compound lingering in his system?

“It was…interesting, to say the least. But yes, I’d say it was a bonding experience for most of us.”

Bonding experience… Julian gulped.

“So…what was your big revelation, Nerys?”

She sighed and walked further inside, stopping near the replicator. “May I get myself a raktajino? It’s been a long night.”

“Of course!” Julian hastened to say. “By all means.”

Nerys rubbed her eyes as she waited for her drink to materialize. With a massive yawn, she picked up the mug and sat down on one of the biobeds. When she patted the spot next to her, Julian followed along and sat down, fidgeting a bit to get comfortable.

“A lot of people retired early.” Nerys stated. “Probably because they realized there was a better use of their time. Most that did, decided to spend a night with their family. I stayed because…well. There’s no one waiting at home for me, is there?” She murmured self-deprecatingly and took a careful sip of her raktajino.

Julian knew she missed Odo, and that she hadn’t really dated anyone seriously since he’d left. He’d never realized she felt lonely, though. 

“When most everyone dispersed, I remained behind and tidied the conference room with Yan’alam’iv. We got to talking and…it felt comfortable. I told them things I don’t really tell anyone.”

“Sometimes it’s easier to open up to a stranger.” Julian said. “The stakes are lower, I mean - in case they judge you or anything.”

Nerys nodded pensively. “I spoke about losing…many things. People.”

Julian put an arm around her and squeezed gently. He knew. Nerys was no stranger to loss – her family, friends in arms, Bareil, Odo… Ziyal.

“Do you know who I actually miss the most?”

Julian shook his head.

“This may sound strange, but…it’s Ziyal.”

Julian wasn’t too surprised by that.

“She was innocent, despite having that monster for a father… I took care of her, protected her as I would have a younger sibling.”

Julian had always had the impression that Nerys had been oddly maternal towards Ziyal, treating her more like a foster daughter than anything else.

“She didn’t deserve to die.” Nerys whispered, tears beading along her lashes. 

“No…she didn’t.” Julian agreed easily. It was such a senseless loss of life.

“I hated Damar for it.” The words had bite to them. “Even entertained killing him in his sleep while we were mounting the resistance. It would have been deserved.” The bitterness in her voice thawed, leaving only weariness. “Then he had to go along and change before my eyes, turning into someone I could almost respect, so I couldn’t even hate him anymore. I felt if I abandoned my resentment to him, I would be betraying her memory.”

“Ziyal was a kind girl; I doubt she would have wanted you to keep hating anyone.” 

“I know.” Nerys said simply. 

Julian held her tighter, offering whatever comfort he could.

“Yan’alam’iv posed me a good question then. They asked me whether I even wanted a mate to have a child.” Her expression turned bemused. “I had never even thought about it! Bajoran family ties are so strong, but… I do want children. Even if I never find a suitable partner to raise them with, I’d still want them.”

“There are plenty of options.” Julian stated mildly. “You could get a sperm donor, or even adopt. I doubt they would refuse you.”

Nerys laughed. “Who, the donor or the orphanage?”

Julian bit back a laugh and just smiled at her crookedly. “Either, I think.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled, at last. “I don’t think I want a donor, though…there are so many orphans on Bajor…some might never get adopted.”

“What do you want, Nerys?”

She looked up at him and laughed tremulously, eyes glistening with precariously perched tears. “I want to adopt an older child. A hybrid, or even a Cardassian. It’s not their fault they got abandoned here.”

Julian felt himself getting misty-eyed at that. He squeezed her forearm gently and murmured – “That’s wonderful, Nerys. I think you’d make a great mother.”

She sobbed a bit and put her cup down before hugging him tightly. 

“I’m here for you. Whatever you need.” Julian promised.

She sniffled and clung to him. Julian wondered if everyone’s revelations were anywhere near as momentous as hers. 

***

After his shift, Julian found himself sitting on his bed, with the wide-screen padd in his hands. He nibbled on his lower lip, wondering whether or not he should call Garak. With the compound fully out of his system (he’d checked), he found his reserves of courage had dwindled. It was easy to be forward with someone when your inhibitions were in the gutter. 

Biting the bullet, he initiated the call. After all, what was there to be afraid of – except his own insecurities?

“Ah, hello there, dear Doctor.” Garak’s face greeted him politely from the screen.

“Uhm, hi. Garak.” Julian said awkwardly, eyes shifting off the screen and focusing on his dresser instead. 

“Am I correct in assuming that you are your normal self once more?”

“Yes.” Julian said sheepishly. “I…I guess I should apologize about yesterday.”

There was a brief flash of something in Garak’s expression before it turned placid and amiable.

“Understandable. All is forgiven.”

“No, I mean… I’m not sorry it happened…I just feel bad about the fact that it happened under the influence. It added a layer of ambiguity that really shouldn’t have been there to begin with.”

Garak’s amiable mask dissolved, leaving a softer countenance. 

“Ah. Well, then – have you seen my present?”

Julian blushed. “Yes…”

“Did you like it?”

Julian stammered at Garak’s forwardness. “I-uh, yes, I did.”

Garak’s smile turned wicked. “Have you tested it out yet?”

“No!” Julian felt like his ears were on fire. “I didn’t want to…ah, sample it without you present.”

Garak got one of his wide-brimmed smiles. “If I was present, you wouldn’t need it.”

Julian shivered at the thought. “I meant, present like this. Over a call.”

“That could be easily arranged, my dear.”

Julian took a big breath. “In that case, I have a gift for you as well.”

“Do you, now?” Garak said with undisguised amusement.

“Oh yes.” Julian confirmed. “And I expect you to use it.”

“I distinctly remember telling you that Cardassians don’t-“

“Masturbate, yes; I recall. Still, if we’re doing it together…it’s not masturbation.”

“Isn’t it?” Garak said mildly.

“Nope.” Julian assured him. “It’s cybersex.”

“I should have known humans would have a name for every kind of depravity.”

Julian almost retorted something in humanity’s defense when he realized Garak was merely joking. “Ha ha. I didn’t hear you complaining about any kind of depravity yesterday.”

“What can I say? You have a unique talent for making even the most sexually dubious prospect appealing.”

“And what, you are just a poor put-upon Cardassian, humoring your insatiable human partner?”

“Not insatiable for much longer, I should hope.”

Julian didn’t doubt it. He thrilled at the prospect. 

“How about we make a date of it, my dear? In, say… a week?”

Julian knew he’d failed to conceal his crestfallen expression. “But…that’s so long!”

“Good things are worth waiting for, Julian.”

The full body shudder took him by surprise. He still reacted the same way to the sound of his name from Garak’s lips, even without the Yam’vii compound messing with him.

“You’re a cruel man, Elim Garak.” He observed wryly. 

“This gives you plenty of time to acquaint yourself with my gift.”

“But, I want to do it in front of you for the first time…” Julian whined.

“Then you’ll just have to wait, won’t you?”

“Fine!” Julian huffed. “I do have a question, though…”

“What is it?” Garak adopted an indulgent expression.

“The…uh…toy…is it modeled after you? Because I have…seen a smaller version before.”

Seen. Yes. Not used. Definitely not had one in his bedside drawer for years now. Nope.

Garak’s grin turned full-on obnoxious. Julian knew he wouldn’t get a straight answer to his query.

“I thought I would reserve that answer for our next meeting - in person.”

Julian pouted, but capitulated. There was no reasoning with Garak when he became all secretive.

It was obviously time to start planning his next vacation…

Julian couldn’t wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo, the fic grew - again. I hope everyone likes them some angsty poetic Garak with a hefty dose of smut? :D


	9. Sampling The Goods

Julian was seriously considering imbibing some liquid courage for the occasion. Similarly, there were approximately sixty-four different compounds he could get from the replicator in the infirmary that would accomplish the same thing – relaxing him for what was to come.  _ Hah! To come! _ Julian shook his head, trying to ignore the lurid directions his mind was trying to wander down, and focused on the task at hand. 

Wide, vaguely frightened eyes peered back at him from the bathroom’s mirror. He was freshly showered and combed. He’d taken extra care with his appearance, not because Garak could appreciate it in person (because he clearly couldn’t, what with their little cyber date), but because it gave Julian a measure of control over his nerves. Primping gave him something measurable to do, and boosted his shaky self-confidence. He wasn’t afraid of Garak disliking the view, no, that wasn’t it at all – it was his fear of making a mistake. What if Garak thought his sounds of pleasure contrived? What if the angle he could achieve with the camera was unflattering? Sure, pornographic materials were well produced - all flattering lightning and perfect positioning, but Julian couldn’t replicate that! 

In person, he wouldn’t be so self-conscious because they would be sharing the experience and fully focused on the other. In front of a camera, however…there was no getting around the fact that it was more… _ performative _ somehow. 

_ You’re being ridiculous. Garak wants you!  _ Julian tried to reassure himself, but it wasn’t really effective. He needed this first time to go smoothly, which was the reason why he’d shaved everything downstairs. Sometimes he really wished his mind could just bloody shut off for even a moment, he was tiring himself out with all this brain clutter. 

And he looked fine. If this was any other date, he’d be swaggering with over-confidence, but the stakes were so much higher with Garak - they always had been. Julian didn’t want to bungle it up.

Nervously, he ran his wet fingers through his hair, nibbling on his lower lip as he tried to stifle his churning anxiety. It was kind of pathetic, really, that he could only be bold with Garak when drugged out of his mind. With a tremendous sigh, he averted his eyes from the mirror and tightened the sash on his fluffy cotton bathrobe. He had nothing on underneath, and that at least reduced the pressure of undressing in front of Garak. The less he had on, the less he could fuck it up.

The console in his living room chirped. 

_ “Incoming transmission from Cardassia Prime,” _ the computer stated. 

“Patch it through to the device in my bedroom,” Julian commanded, and there was an affirmative beep. 

He hurried to the bedroom and promptly plopped on the bed, where the padd rested. He activated the screen and was greeted by Garak’s smiling face. 

“Ah, there you are, Doctor.”

“Uhm, hello.” Julian cringed at the hesitant delivery, fearing he was sending the exact wrong message to Garak. 

“Nervous, my dear?” Garak said mildly, the very picture of understanding.

“Yes,” Julian admitted easily. “But only because it’s you.”

“After all this time, you still fear me?”

The question felt loaded. 

“I fear looking stupid. Or sounding stupid. I mean…I told you I did this with Leeta, but with her it was just harmless fun. It was a warm but casual arrangement. With you…the stakes are considerably higher because…” Julian stared at the screen and took in the marvelous blue of Elim’s eyes, free-falling into their fathomless depths. “I am in love with you.”

“Julian…” Garak murmured softly. “My dear, dear Julian.”

“I assumed you might…feel the same,” Julian continued, “but I never dared broach the topic. That’s pretty damn dumb in retrospect.”

Garak smiled at him widely, with infinitely more warmth than what usually accompanied such a smile. “Well, I am glad we have cleared that up, beloved.”

Julian’s heart fluttered. “Say that again?”

“My beloved.” Elim said softly and something in Julian just  _ clicked _ . 

“I like the sound of that…Elim.”

For a long moment, they just looked at one another fondly and then Julian started laughing, the sheer force of his relief leaving him feeling a hundred pounds lighter. So that was what he’d been afraid of! Judged, mocked…but if Elim loved him, there would be none of that.

“Why don’t you get comfortable, Julian?” Garak suggested and Julian exhaled shakily, nodding. He lay on the bed and adjusted his robe. 

He was ready.

***

Garak had never had much cause to be content with his lot in life. Even when his misery had been self-inflicted, he still felt its razor-sharp edges acutely; even as he kept chastising himself for being too weak to stand the burden. This was perhaps the first time in recent memory that the moment he was experiencing felt untainted by what came before. Julian’s drug-induced, yet brutally effective confession of feelings hadn’t been just a mirage produced by a hormone-addled brain – it had been real. It lingered after the drug had left his system, and here he was, a week later, professing his love so timidly and kindly that Garak felt like his gizzard had been scooped out and replaced with a warm, buzzing creature. 

He’d still felt apprehensive when Julian’s worried expression first appeared on his screen, and he’d almost called the whole thing off so he could go nurse his wounds in private with some cheap kanar he had stashed away in case of emergencies. But here they were, Julian’s eyes flooding with warmth as he looked at him through the screen, his dark blue bathrobe gaping open in a deep plunge that revealed the middle of Julian’s smooth chest. If Garak were there, he would be kissing that revealed patch of skin with reverence, but since he wasn’t, he would have to be content with the impressive visuals. And impressive they were, Julian’s long legs folded at the knee, the robe chastely draped over his legs, revealing nothing for the moment. Julian’s clavicles were bared and the elegant neck only appeared longer in the robe.

“It suits you, Julian.”

The human’s cheeks stained a darker hue, as he stammered a barely discernible little “Thank you.”

“Have you waited, like you said you would?”

Julian nodded fervently. “Of course! I mean…I know I’m not the epitome of patience, but if it’s important…”

Garak felt incredibly charmed.  _ ‘It’s the thought that counts’  _ the Terrans said, and he used to scoff at the saying – how could a thought possibly count for anything, unless put into action? Yet now, he could see that it could also mean keeping someone in mind, being considerate towards them, and yes – that meant something. 

“I also…refrained from sampling what you sent me, just to make things nice and even.”

Julian averted his gaze demurely, a coy smile shining in the room’s dimmed light levels. Even if nothing further happened, Garak realized he would be perfectly satisfied simply speaking to his lovely Doctor and enjoying the view such as it was. 

_ I love this man _ . Garak thought, the warm feeling pulsing through his veins and staining his ridges a muted, darker grey. The admission didn’t sting anymore, didn’t feel like a suffocating blanket made of the scratchiest wool imaginable, wrapped so tightly around him that his claustrophobia flared to life and threatened him with the image of walls collapsing on top of him. He was free to love, free to say it and express it, no longer needing to hide it in ambiguous phrasing or subtle gestures meant to dilute and obfuscate it. No more fear of Julian calling him out on it, or laughing at the mere notion. 

“Do I get to see you undressed today?” Julian inquired, his eyes alight with expectation.

“If you wish.” Garak said easily, regarding his beloved with raw affection.

“I want to see you. You’re always dressed so conservatively, I don’t think I’ve ever seen as much as a hint of a wrist or ankle, let alone anything more.”

“Well, we can’t all go traipsing around the station in tight spandex suits. You forget how cold twenty-two of your Federation degrees are to my kind.”

“There’s always the holodeck… or we could push the settings to around 30 degrees Celsius in my quarters…maybe a bit more. I would be fine.”

“Thank you for being considerate, my dear, but that is a way away. Why not focus on the situation at hand?”

“Yes, of course!” Julian hastened to say, that subtle flush creeping across his skin once more. Garak wondered whether it made Julian’s cheeks warmer and felt a keen urge to gently caress that expressive, guileless face. Now, with distance, he could see the first subtle signs of age, the tiny lines etched into Julian’s skin where previously there were none. If anything, Julian’s face had become even more handsome than the first time he’d seen him, colliding with a passer-by on the Promenade because he’d been too busy staring at everything around him in child-like wonder. Garak had been struck by his beauty, and recognized in him a naivety and openness that could be exploited. Since then, Julian had only become larger in his mind, until his warmth nearly eclipsed Cardassia’s star. Now that Garak was under his birth sun’s warm rays once more, the only thing missing was Julian.

“Could you undo that sash for me, Julian?” Garak asked quietly, heartened by his companion’s soft shiver. As he’d requested, deft surgeon’s fingers tugged at one end of the sash, undoing the simple knot. Both ends came away, untied. The smooth brown expanse of skin was revealed, Julian’s firm and slender stomach with its curious trail of hair that signaled where his genitals lay, hidden from sight by a thick cover of blue. 

“Arresting,” Garak said truthfully, for there was no Cardassian alive that could look away in displeasure from the sight Julian made with supple warm skin so exposed, framed by a dark blue garment. He wished to envelop Julian the way warm night enveloped those who longed to rest; swaddle him in warm shadows and kiss him until they both surrendered their awareness to sleep. Every single thing Julian had named in his confession, Garak was ready to provide - ready to relinquish. 

“I want to see you too…” Julian murmured, licking his lips in what Garak assumed to be an unconscious gesture. 

What could he do but oblige? Angling the padd on his windowsill, Garak sat further back on the bed and undid the fastenings on his tunic. The divesting was slow and deliberate. While he used to be able to bare himself to a lover, he hadn’t done so in a very long time, and he couldn’t help but feel vulnerable when faced once more with the prospect, even if it was Julian he was opening up to. The soft gasp from the other end interrupted his musings. The green eyes regarded him with wonder; with hunger that spoke of fascination and yearning in equal measure. 

He knew that Julian didn’t see what he saw, and likely ascribed beauty where there was none – only sturdy flesh devoid of any semblance of elegance. Garak knew that any benefit of youth he’d once possessed which would give an air of attractiveness to his body was long past, leaving behind a vessel that had survived its fair share of attacks and trauma, inscribed upon his scales in scars. Still, humans professed that  _ ‘it’s what’s on the inside that counts’ _ and he fervently hoped that whatever skill and wit he possessed was enough to keep Julian’s interest. Garak could only pray that once he had given himself over, that he wouldn’t lose the mystique that seemed to draw Julian in. He’d always known that Julian enjoyed a challenge, so Garak had done his best to provide it – to always be interesting, always keep him guessing; forever elusive and hard to pin down. 

This was a final gamble. To show Julian what he’d used all those lies to conceal – a simple body devoid of any mystery, and a bruised spirit cowering behind sharp words. Would it be enough for Julian to stay?

Garak pulled the sleeves of his tunic down and removed it altogether. When he looked up at the screen all he could see was a soft mouth hanging open, and an enthralled expression on Julian’s lovely face. Perhaps he  _ was _ beautiful in Julian’s eyes, just the way he was. What a dangerously intoxicating thought!

“The great Julian Bashir, rendered speechless? I’m flattered.”

Julian blinked once and blurted out without thinking – “If I was there, I’d tackle you right now and kiss you senseless.”

Garak felt his ridges flush immediately at the earnestly spoken words. He couldn’t help but be teasing. “Would you, now?” 

“Do you have any idea how gorgeous you look? The fact I can’t even touch you is driving me insane!”

Garak couldn’t recall ever being called gorgeous, at least not so honestly by a person who genuinely meant it. 

“Only you would be so kind as to say so, my dear.”

Julian looked like him like he’d said something preposterous.

“Kind? You think I’m being kind? Kindness has nothing to do with it!”

Garak looked at Julian softly, soaked up that familiar outrage and righteous indignation, and smiled. Here was a man who cared nothing for Garak’s insecurities, and would generously smother him with affection whether he wanted it or not. 

“You look like something out of a dream! Those beautiful darkened ridges and scales… The way shadow plays across your skin like it belongs there… You look like you were birthed by the goddess of the night Nyx, herself.”

Birthed by a goddess… Garak was momentarily speechless.

“I want to run my hands over your shoulders and down your arms… I want to kiss the hollow space beneath your scaled clavicles and hold you…”

Garak’s ridges flushed further at the blatant admission of Julian’s desire. 

“I want to take off the rest of your clothes and nuzzle against all your ridges, kissing each scute and scale. Show me, Elim. Show me everything.”

Garak trembled, several of his ridges flaring mildly. To die listening to this voice, how sweet that would be… With unsteady fingers, breath hitching, he reached for the fastenings on his trousers and undid them one by one. He’d never been this way, stumbling over his actions, hands shaking with anticipation. The trousers came off and he folded them neatly, placing them on the seat of the chair next to his bed. He hung the tunic on the backrest and turned towards the padd only to catch Julian staring, his long brown fingers bunched in the fabric of his robe, pulling it higher. 

Julian’s pupils were blown wide, gaze desirous and aching for what was out of reach. Garak struggled to remember a sight half as beautiful. 

“Pull the robe open, Julian.”

A soft groan travelled through the connection as Julian obeyed, pushing the fabric off his legs and squirming as one of his legs relaxed, falling to the side to reveal the delicate juncture between thigh and groin. There was something different today, and it wasn’t just the less debauched manner in which Julian moved, although his movements wouldn’t be half as charming if they weren’t occasionally halting, borne from indecision. Julian Bashir was only elegant when he was in motion, either deeply engrossed or unobserved. As soon as there was a pair of eyes on him, he seized up and lost most of his self-confidence. 

“Do you like it?” Julian inquired hesitantly, his nimble fingers caressing the crease between his thighs, and it was only when prompted did Garak realize what was different. The skin was completely smooth there, unlike before. Was hair removal in their intimate region significant in some way?

“My view is less obstructed but…is there some other significance to…shedding?”

Julian burst out laughing, the padd shaking from his movements. “I didn’t shed, Garak! I shaved! Good god.”

“Ah. Might I inquire why?” Perhaps there was some hygienic consideration?

“Because it feels nice. And it makes oral sex easier…” The second sentence was muttered and Garak had almost missed it.

Well, that was a good message. If Julian desired to be pleasured in such a way, Garak saw no reason to refuse him. In fact, now was as good a time as any. 

He pulled the oval box from the shelf over his bed and opened it. Nestled inside was Julian’s  _ generous _ gift. As far as Garak could see, it was an almost perfect replica to what he could observe on screen. He took it out and gave it a caress. 

“Is the texture the same as the genuine article?” Garak asked, seemingly off-handedly, and watched Julian’s eyes widen and cheeks darken.

“As close as I could get it to be… Admittedly, it’s just a fake. But the weight and size are correct.”

“What about taste?” Garak said mildly, smiling at the way Julian sputtered at that. He caressed the toy once again, relishing the way Julian’s breath hitched. “I guess I’ll just have to find out, won’t I?” 

Not moving his eyes from Julian’s, Garak laved the replica of the real thing from the bottom to the tip, and with a gentle swirl of tongue, sucked it into his mouth. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This somehow ended up filthier than I expected it to?


	10. I Love You

_“What about taste?” Garak said mildly, smiling at the way Julian sputtered at that. He caressed the toy once again, relishing the way Julian’s breath hitched. “I guess I’ll just have to find out, won’t I?”_

_Not moving his eyes from Julian’s, Garak laved the replica of the real thing from the bottom to the tip, and with a gentle swirl of tongue, sucked it into his mouth._

Julian wanted to tell Garak that no, the toy didn't and couldn't taste like him, but the words died in his throat with a strangled moan. He fixated on the sight of that Cardassian tongue, pale blue, slithering around the head and knew if Garak ever did that to him, he would spontaneously combust. Valiantly, he tried to hold himself together as Garak slurped it in, his blue gaze fixed on Julian’s. The bastard knew exactly what this was doing to Julian, and for once, he didn’t mind – how could he? It was magnificent and fucking _hot_.

A thought rattled around in the back of his mind that he should be paying Garak back for this, get the dildo he was sent and lavish it with attention, just to see who would break first, yet...that would require looking away to fetch it and he didn’t want to lose a single second of the arousing visual.

“Fuck,” Julian cursed, and felt around blindly for the lubricant; he had put it under his pillow – where was it, damn it?

As the shaft slid deeper into Garak’s mouth, Julian groaned. This was so unfair. If he was there, he could feel those lips stretching around his prick, encircling him and sliding lewdly up and down as he gently fucked that gorgeous lying mouth… _Shitshitshi-_ Oh, but it was so beautiful, and so perfectly deliberate that Julian wondered whether Garak’s had practice. With another muttered curse, he located the lube from where it had migrated and fiddled to get it out and open. He could see the spark of curiosity in Elim’s eyes as he rushed to squirt some liquid – _fuck, it’s cold! –_ on his stomach. This was considerably harder one-handed. He capped the lube and put it aside, his gaze never wavering from what Elim was doing.

He should really start calling him Elim now, shouldn’t he? It would be kind of weird to address the person currently sucking you off by their last name…

Breathlessly, Julian dipped his index into the generous smear of lube and shivered at the sensation. Elim made it look so good that Julian wanted to tease him right back. “I wouldn’t last long if you did that to me…” He admitted, pulling his right leg up. “Don’t stop.”

Another long slurp made him stifle a groan. If he as much as touched his prick, he would be done. Instead, he coated his middle finger as completely as possible and reached lower, teasing his perineum. Garak’s eyes strayed lower and Julian felt a victorious little thrill. He massaged himself gently, wondering what that pale blue tongue would feel like, licking across his perineum and upwards…or even downwards…

“Oh, Elim-“ Julian panted, fingers straying lower and lower, reaching his subtly twitching entrance. The resistance was minimal and he relaxed around the intrusion of a single digit sliding carefully in and out to the rhythm of Elim’s teasing. A shuddering moan escaped him, rending the soft sucking noises coming from his padd. 

His heartbeat was quickening as he fingered himself languidly, painfully aroused by the view. “I want to kiss you so bad…ungh-“ Julian dissolved into another deep groan as the shaft slid out of Garak’s mouth entirely.

“A very human preoccupation, that,” Garak stated superciliously, “For you, however, I would be willing to partake in it.”

“Very…magnanimous…of you…” Julian murmured as he added another finger.

“What are you doing there, Julian?”

“Do you seriously want a run-down?” Julian muttered in slight embarrassment.

“Humor me, my dear.” 

“I’m…preparing myself. Since human males don’t come lubricated, I have to compensate. And…stretch myself a bit.”

“Would you let me do this for you, if I was there?”

“Yes…” Julian moaned at the thought of all the things they could do when they finally got together.

“Would you touch me, Julian?” Garak asked softly, eyes smoldering with unabashed want. Julian watched as Garak trailed his hand down his ventral ridge and lower, to the seam between his legs that concealed his genitalia. 

Julian shuddered with want.

“I would touch that pretty seam of yours…lick the scales until they parted for me…”

Garak exhaled harshly, and to Julian’s amazement, started running a finger gently over his seam. Was he imagining Julian’s tongue caressing him there? 

“Can these darken too?” Julian asked and was gratified when Garak briefly closed his eyes, tipping his head back in a way that bared his throat. As he followed the lines of ridges wrapped around Garak’s body, he could see the darkening flush travelling downwards like a mesmerizing signal. And there was his answer, a dark flush to the scales between the legs as the seam puckered and split a tiny fraction. “Oh God…you’re opening up for me…”

Garak _moaned_ , a deep dissolute sound that made Julian’s member twitch. Is that what aroused Garak; being spoken to, encouraged? Julian needed to know for sure. 

“Could I lick the inside of your seam?”

Garak’s breath hitched and a protracted hiss rent the air. It was rumblier than a sound made by a snake, and harsher too. Naturally, it went straight to Julian’s head (the lower one, in this particular instance). 

“Elim, look at me,” Julian demanded softly. Blue eyes cracked open, peering at him almost trance-like. It wasn’t the sober, calculating look he was used to seeing from Garak, or the unguarded look of surprise he’d managed to coax out of him a few times before, no. This was the gaze of someone utterly lost in sensation. 

“I want to make love to you.” Julian blurted out, unmindful of what he was saying for a change. He wanted this so acutely, and found it impossible not to be honest. The hissing rumble got more pronounced, and Julian could feel the vibrations through the hand holding the padd. Garak made a sinuous, serpentine movement, body usually wrought with tension uncoiling before Julian’s eyes. “Would you let me, Elim?” 

With a wriggle of delightfully ridged hips, Garak let out a small keen and his eyes widened in what Julian recognized was mortification. Shame was such an easy thing to identify to Julian, even when other emotions eluded him. Signs of distress were impossible to ignore, and he couldn’t tell whether he’d developed this skill because he was a doctor, or whether having the skill made him a better one. 

“There’s no need to hold yourself back, you sound so wonderful…” Julian wanted to hear more, see Garak fall to pieces, every part of his body signaling desire in need of fulfillment. And he would fulfill it all.

“Ju…li…an-” Garak gasped, the deep rumble stuttering and turning staccato. His grey fingers lingered at the slightly parted, slickened seam – as if unsure what they were supposed to be doing.

“Is it pleasurable to have someone’s fingers easing gently into your seam?” Julian wondered aloud and was rewarded by another involuntary sound of pleasure.

“Yeh-mnh-yessss…” Garak barely managed to hiss out, and Julian had to bite his lip not to immediately let slip what a gorgeous sight it was.

“I would be so gentle…smear those lovely darkened scales with your slick; lick them and kiss them as I fingered you slowly, so slowly…” The rumbling continued, and Julian watched Garak squirming on the covers in movements that were fluid and unbroken. He wanted nothing better than to cover that undulating body with his own and gently possess it. “Imagine my hand on your seam, my fingers there – caressing you over the scutes…” Julian hoped that would be enough to coax Garak into touching himself and after a moment’s hesitation, he continued – “Dipping into the seam with the tips of my fingers…”

And there it was; the experimental twitch of fingers that spoke of interest, of curiosity and need. 

“Touch yourself for me?” Julian coaxed gently, barely remembering to breathe.

Garak made a strangled sound and closed his eyes. A single finger slid tentatively down his parted seam and Julian felt his pulse speed up as the digit dipped gently inside to the first knuckle.

“That’s it, Elim…just like that. Gentle and careful…” Julian groaned and fingered himself faster. He wanted Elim here, doing this to him instead. He wanted so many things, and realized that he could finally have them, if only he was patient. They _would_ meet in person eventually.

“Julian…” Garak gasped and continued the hesitant, exploratory touches. It was unreal, warming Julian from the inside out as his skin beaded with perspiration. 

“Elim…yes-“ Julian murmured, words failing him as he focused on the image of Garak pleasuring himself. “Does it feel good?” 

Garak made a half-strangled sound as he threw his head back, throat vulnerable and bare, framed with scales flushed a midnight blue. 

“I want to kiss your neck…I want to bite and suck on the skin there, leave a mark…”

Garak _whined_ , long and plaintive, a visible tremor working itself through his body from the long line of his neck to the uncurling of his toes, nails dark and gleaming. His seam was glistening and wet with slick, parted gently by a solitary finger.

“Oh, God,” Julian gasped. “I’d give anything to be in you right now…”

“Nnh-Julian!” Garak cried out, some of his ridges visibly flaring out. Julian wondered whether anyone else but him would have caught the difference, as it was rather subtle. He assumed there would be a difference to the touch, but visually it was almost imperceptible. 

“Do you want me?” Julian asked breathlessly, yearning for a confirmation.

Garak’s eyes opened, unfocused for a moment before latching onto the screen once more, affixing onto Julian’s with startling clarity. He only said a single word, but it was more than enough. 

“Yes.”

Such a simple word, stripped of all pretense, bared of Garak’s usual verbosity. 

“I need you,” Julian said plaintively, needy and desperate for touch that would bring both torment and relief. 

Garak stared at him, unblinking, mouth slightly slack and movements slowing to a crawl. Julian had a feeling his perception had somehow ground to a halt.

“Could we…do it together?” Julian asked, seeking confirmation that Garak understood him from the glint in those lust-blown pupils. “Penetration, I mean,” he clarified, trying not to be too self-conscious about what was coming out of his mouth. “You use my toy and I use yours…”

Garak blinked slowly and the rumble coming from his chest stuttered once again, a heavy click-click-click suffusing the air. 

“I want you in me…” Julian said breathlessly, pulling his fingers out. “Would that be…would you like that?”

“Simul…taneously?” Garak squeezed out, almost as if he’d forgotten how to speak. 

Julian nodded.

Garak inclined his head in a way that usually signaled acquiescence, and Julian scrambled to pull the dildo from his bedside drawer. He placed it on the bed and shucked off his robe, laying on top of it. This required some repositioning not to jostle the padd too much, but he managed. When he turned to the screen, he groaned at the sight of Garak positioning the toy at the slickened split in his seam. No, he wasn’t positioning it yet – he was _rubbing_ against it.

“Shit, Garak – you can’t do that to me…” Julian protested.

Garak said nothing, but his eyes burned.

***

It was shameful to be so inarticulate, reduced to noises provided by his baser Cardassian instincts, but Julian didn’t seem to mind it in the least. It had been such a long time since he’d last been intimate with anyone that he felt incredibly out of practice. ‘Making love’ as humans called it, was a legitimate skill. Mercifully, in a new relationship, standards were yet to be established and judging by Julian’s rapt expression, Garak had a feeling he was doing reasonably well for himself. 

Julian ran his palm across the taut skin of his stomach, scraping the lubricant off, only to grumble, hesitant for but a moment before placing the padd farther away, and Garak noticed both his hands were free now.

Sweet Cardassia. Julian had put the padd between his knees, holding it there. With his left hand thus freed, he took hold of the thorn Garak had sent him and smeared it generously with the slick substance. Garak watched, spellbound, as Julian’s skilled fingers caressed the purplish ridges, sliding up and down, coating it thoroughly. If he were there with Julian, this step wouldn’t be necessary… Oh, to ponder it only invited misfortune. If he everted now it would be terrible, revealing every last bit of him and Garak wanted to save it for when they met face to face, seam to thorn… 

On the screen, Julian was placing the false thorn into his right hand and looking at the the padd hesitantly, as if seeking approval. In other circumstances, Garak would have a nice chuckle at Julian’s expense, but they were far beyond that now. Instead of words, Garak teased at his seam with the blunt, wide tip of the toy, knowing that the slightest push would slide it in.

“Wait for me, fuck-“ Julian groaned, losing all finesse as he scrambled to angle the thorn to the barely visible entrance Garak had seen him prepare earlier. It was no seam, and he lacked the proper word for it. Surely humans had a million descriptive words for it, but Garak thus far had no reason to look into it. He’d wanted to, but researching it would have only reminded of the fact that Julian wasn’t and never would be interested in Garak. Well, there was something to be said for being proven wrong in this particular context. 

“R-ready?” 

Garak fervently hoped Julian wouldn’t cave to that typically human impulse to count down from three, as that would be almost unbearably embarrassing. 

Instead of answering verbally, Garak swiveled his hips, allowing the tip to be engulfed by his slackened seam. If he closed his eyes, he could pretend that Julian was here, his fragrant warmth radiating down onto him, soaking into his touch-starved flesh. His rumble got more pronounced and he pushed against the intrusion, feeling his dear Julian so deeply…

“Elim-“ Julian said breathily, and Garak wished the voice was closer, carried with a whisper, gusting across his skin. He wished to see Julian’s smooth skin glinting in the afternoon sun, or bathed in the light of Cardassia’s three moons. The former would grant him a coppery glow, while the latter would bathe him in silvery shadows. Could he really just spend this time lost in his imagination? It seemed like a terrible disservice to his dear Julian, who was only a screen away. 

Garak faced the screen and allowed his eyes to open. Julian was _shining_ , a thin sheen of perspiration a subtle gleam upon his skin, and his right hand was industriously working the thorn he’d been given in a relentless rhythm, in and out. Was this speed normal for humans? Would he impale Garak the same way, without restraint or finesse? An orgasm took Garak by surprise, as it wasn’t the rain, but the tide slowly engulfing him. Could human males orgasm in two different ways like Cardassian ones could? To his dismay, Garak realized he didn’t know.

“Elim…why…aren’t you-ah-moving?”

Garak squirmed around Julian’s replicated thorn and spoke lazily. “For the same reason you’re moving so frantically, I suspect.”

The skin across Julian’s cheeks darkened fetchingly. “Do Cardassians…couple differently?”

“We join and remain locked together, grinding our hips together until the rain meets the tide.” 

“Rain and tide…uh, what?”

Garak rolled his eyes. “Until both parties achieve orgasm, my dear.”

“Ah!” Julian exclaimed, looking somewhat embarrassed for having it explained so bluntly to him. “Alright…”

“May I suggest a switch in methodology?” Garak offered. 

Julian gulped and nodded.

“All the way in, Julian,” Garak instructed. “Get the friction by rolling your hips.”

Julian followed his instruction to the letter, and Garak observed him shudder, hazel eyes rolling back as the tendons in his neck stretched taut, making an irresistibly tempting picture. Garak wanted to lick the long line of that gentle neck to learn what human perspiration tasted like. If it was salty, as he’d once overheard, he hoped Julian wouldn’t mind being thoroughly explored. 

“What-ah-about you?” Julian managed to say, barely. 

Garak looked down at his seam, split open yet rippling around the false thorn. He supposed he should extract it and try to mimic what Julian had been doing, a thorough in and out. What a strange and violent way to go about things, not to mention energy inefficient. Well, he would be trying out the genuine article sooner rather than later, so he supposed getting accustomed to it would be prudent.

Slowly, he tried to pull it out, but his body seemed most resistant to the idea. Garak was well aware that it was merely a quirk of biology, but it seemed like his body was just as reluctant as his mind when it came to separating himself from Julian. He wished to stay joined, not have this incessant push and pull. It felt too much like cruel torment, a drawn-out tease designed to make him want to claw at the covers in frustration. All for the best, probably, for if Julian were here, Garak would be tempted to rake his hands over that smooth back and he didn’t wish to injure his beloved.

With another attempt, a groan escaped him. His body was refusing to relinquish its prize.

“Could you try relaxing, Elim? Would that help?”

It might’ve helped if he wasn’t aroused beyond reason. There was a certain drop-off point after which a Cardassian simply clamped down, constricting around their mate until they both reached climax. Belatedly, Garak realized that there was no chance of that here. After all, this wasn’t really Julian inside him, merely a facsimile. His only other option was to try to evert and have rain overtake him. 

_Sloppy, Elim. Leaving no other option for yourself._

Still, there was nothing else he could do.

“Elim?” Julian prompted, visibly worried.

“A minor difficulty, my dear. Keep speaking to me?”

“Of course!” Julian agreed easily, a beautiful smile blooming wider. “You look so tempting like that, masturbating for me…your pretty seam flushed and leaking…”

Garak watched Julian swivel his hips, trying his best not to jostle the padd in his left hand. When had he even switched? Garak hadn’t seen it happen, it must have occurred while his eyes were closed. Julian’s legs were spread wide and his thighs looked inviting. If allowed, Garak would nip at the skin and decorate it with a row of beautiful little bruises. He would suck a row of marks across Julian’s skin until they resembled ridges in a beautifully symbolic display of possessiveness. 

“If I was there,” Julian continued, “I wouldn’t stand a chance. I would have come by now. I want to know how you’d feel around me – how hot and slick…how tight…”

Garak was feeling it, his rumbling stuttering now, a sure sign that the rain was close, if he decided to allow it. 

“Would you let me come inside you or is that considered rude?”

“Julian…” Garak gasped for breath, feeling the slow build-up. His thorn was pushing out, trying to squeeze past the obstruction in the way. 

“I would let you come inside me. I imagined it plenty of times…”

Garak keened softly, thorn pushing against Julian’s gift insistently. The pressure was almost unbearable, and he pulled at the base of the toy until it came loose with a small squirt, his thorn everting quicker than it usually did, sliding slick and slapping against his Deep Spring, the lowest of three vestigial sensory organs, derogatorily referred to as _spoons_.

“Oh my God, look at you,” Julian said breathlessly and that was enough. The sheer admiration and amazement in that dear voice tipped Garak over the edge and with a strident, choking gasp, the rain fell. 

It took him a few moments to regain his breath and ability to focus but once he did, the sight on his screen was otherworldly – Julian panting, heel of his right leg pressed against his entrance, keeping Garak’s false thorn in place as his industrious right hand moved up and down his lovely, warm-hued penis. The grip seemed tight, but Julian didn’t look to be in pain, quite the opposite.

“Elim…” Julian moaned, every line of his body indecent and screaming with need. 

Garak couldn’t look away from the sinuous display, staring at Julian’s enraptured expression more than at the sexual self-gratification currently happening near the bottom of his screen. The words poured out of him unbidden.

“I love you, Julian.”

“Ah-ah!” Julian cried out, face scrunching up as in pain, but as a string of pearly white liquid shot across that smooth chest, Garak realized he was witnessing the pinnacle of pleasure instead. Garak simply stared at his dear Doctor’s expressive face, marveling at this chance he’d been given to observe it in a new context. This sight could become more common…and soon enough, he’d get to enjoy it in person without any barriers or screens between them. 

“That was sneaky of you,” Julian smiled lazily up at him. “Telling me such an important thing while I was distracted.”

“What better time is there?” Garak parried easily, just to be contrary. His heart wasn’t really into it, though. It was too busy overflowing with sentimentality at the lovely view.

Julian shook his head and sank into his pillows.

“I love you too, you know?”

 _I do now…_ Garak thought and smiled fondly at the screen. 

“Lucky me,” he said warmly.

“I thought Cardassians didn’t believe in luck?” Julian commented lightly, no doubt recalling the conversation in question vividly.

“Whoever told you that, my dear?” Garak pasted on his most guileless expression. “You should pick your sources of information more carefully…”

Julian rolled his eyes adorably and just smiled at him. 

Garak basked in the easy intimacy and thought - _I could get used to this…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand this is it, folks! I've been writing non-stop for months now and I really need a break because I feel burnt out. I have no idea when I'll next post something, but whatever it ends up being, it will probably be short. 
> 
> Hope you liked the ending, drop me a comment with your thoughts, and if you wanna chat, I'm Syaunei on tumblr as well!
> 
> Love you all and see you soon!


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